It's days like today when I feel I need to figure out myself, but ... I know myself ! (that's what I like to think)
I am sitting on my new bright green sofa, enjoying a delicious cup of tea wrapped in my cosy jumper and blanket and listening to Matilda's silent snoring. It feels like winter and Christmas already. I think it might be because my tree is up or just because the air has that particular wintery, cold smell.
I enjoy winter very much, the nature stops for a few months and so, my life seems too. I like to recollect my thoughts, my feelings and allow myself to be introspective. There's no better time !
Today, I have been feeling down and slightly rubbish, for lack of a better word. But as I always do, I like to put my thoughts here, to share them with you, my readers in the hope it will help me and maybe someone else too. It's very cathartic.
I feel down, annoyed, anxious, depressed, hurt, tired, but at the same time I have so many contradictory thoughts because I am healthy (as one can be), I work hard on improving myself, I am loved, lucky and in a great position to do amazing things.
BUT
Anxiety takes over on days like this
It consumes everything good and my self esteem
It puts boundaries and limitations where there is no need for such things
It eats all my energy and positivity
has the ability to make me snap at the ones I love most
IT'S like a EVIL DEVIL in disguise
However,
I fight it everytime, I don't want to surrender nor do I want to be its slave !
I am strong, independent and loved, so I can be happy !
I CONTROL anxiety, it DOESN'T CONTROL me!
I sip my cup of tea, put some make-up on and get my big butt into town to get things done and be productive !
As always, let me know how you deal with rubbish days! It's a conversation and things are different for everyone
